That's Nonsense!

Preparation: print out or bookmark on the computer The Owl and the Pussycat, On the Ning Nang Nong, and any other examples of nonsense poetry you fancy sharing. Print out a copy of the poem below. I love the Henri poem but some of the lines won't mean much to today's children and, more importantly, some aren't really appropriate.

The Writing

      Ask if the children have heard the term 'nonsense poetry'. Show some examples. Show my simplified Tonight at Noon and explain it’s an version of a poem by Adrian Henri. Which line do they like best? What does the last line mean?

Tonight at Noon

Supermarkets will advertise £3 EXTRA on everything!

Tonight at noon

Penguins will tell each other jokes about humans

Traffic cops will stop snails speeding down the street

The first daffodils of autumn will appear

When leaves fall upwards from the ground to the trees.

Tonight at noon

Pigeons will hunt cats through city backyards

Pigs will fly in formation over Ellesmere

Christmas and Easter will swap places.

People in swimsuits will go moonbathing

Art galleries will be closed to people over 11

Poets will become millionaires while

Politicians have to live on minimum wages.

In alleyways, litter will clear itself neatly away

Rubies will turn to sapphires

Diamonds to dust

and

You will tell me you love me

Tonight at noon.

      Ask them to put the heading Tonight at Noon. Tell them they are going to write their own version of the poem, but that the group is going to brainstorm it together first.

      Discuss these ideas, one by one. They can either do this preparation exercise as a whole group or in pairs/threes.

      Imagine something that’s really gentle acting fierce.

      Imagine something that’s really slow going extremely fast.

      Imagine something that lives in the sea suddenly turning up on land.

      Imagine something precious turning to something rubbish.

      Imagine a famous person doing something crazy.

      Imagine something weird happening to the sky (day or night).

      Imagine the seasons getting mixed up.

      Imagine something crazy happening in schools.

      Imagine someone very, very unlikely winning a major talent contest.

      When all the children have some ideas, then it's time to write them up into a poem. I like to do this process line by line, all together, so we move at the same pace. As usual I tell them that if they get stuck on a line, just to leave it and wait for the next one.

Lifetime Achievement Award

You'll need: a willing accomplice to play the part of the award winner. A pupil will do, but it's funnier if you can persuade another member of staff to step in. Having a little cup or shield to hand over is a nice touch - borrow one from the school trophy cabinet. Finally, make a copy of the speech below to read out to the class.

Prime the children to raise enthusiastic applause, whooping etc when you've finished talking, then introduce your 'winner'.

We’re here today to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to someone very special:

Cath Wilson, scientific prize-winner and Olympic champion, and widely regarded as one of the finest Bond villains ever.

At just 14 she showed she was headed for stardom when she won BBC Young Musician of the Year with a version of Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto which left all four judges weeping with emotion. Two years later she accepted a place at Lincoln College, Oxford, to study nuclear physics, and whilst there she won the Marie Curie prize for discovering how to stop bacon rashers from sticking to the frying pan.

Having completed her degree in less than six months – and gaining First Class Honours – she moved to Spain where she began to ski professionally, conquering every black slope in the Pyrenees and then quickly being selected for the British Olympic team. She won four gold medals for her country before a cruel injury – she tripped over her husband’s slippers - forced her to give up a brilliant sporting career.

Shropshire called her home, but not for long. A call from a casting agent meant she was soon back on our TV screens, this time in the hilarious comedy ‘That’s Not My Dog’, a cult show which won three BAFTAS and a Golden Rose at the Montreux comedy festival. A sell-out tour followed, where Cath’s fans packed theatre after theatre to watch her unique stand-up comedy style. Even a teenage Prince Harry confessed he sneaked along one night to see the show.

As her thirties approached, she gained the role that was to make her a household name: Madame Arachnid, the villain James Bond falls in love with. Indeed, her performance in The Man with the Golden Leg was so inspired that the director immediately wrote her into the next Bond film, Die Fall. Sales of merchandise from both were brisk, and a Madame Arachnid figurine can now fetch as much as $600.

Cath took time out to raise a family and teach at Criftins school where she was much-loved, but in the evenings she returned to her scientific roots, working on a cure for that thing where your glasses mist up when you open an oven door. Millions of people are now free to peer in at their Sunday roast without going temporarily blind, thanks to her. With her earnings she set up the Wilson Foundation to promote free skiing lessons for UK children.

Recently she has become known as the new Voice of the X Factor, and also as the author of the hilarious teen fiction series ‘Gilbert Baboon’. Her books have topped the bestseller charts now for three years, and the cartoon version of ‘Gilbert Baboon’ on CITV is its most popular show ever.

So tonight, Cath Wilson, we honour you with this Lifetime Achievement Award, and say thank you for everything you’ve contributed to the world. Please step forward and take your cup.

(Cue wild applause.)

      Explain to the children that they are going to write their own speeches, either about themselves or a friend. They need to imagine the kind of glories they'd like to achieve in life and then go as fantastical as they like. List some arenas in which they might excel, and list them on the board, e.g.

TV/theatre/film

books

sports

charity

science/medicine

music/art/dance

cookery

adventure/endurance/bravery

The students in my writing club found it helpful to divide their page up into decades: My 20s, My 30s, My 40s etc.

At the end of the session, the children who want to can deliver their speeches while the others clap.

I'm Not One to Boast...

I Am: the Results

I Am...

Preparation: print this image or make up an 'I am' poster of your own. Assemble glue, scissors, A3 paper or thin card, plain white paper and some off-cuts of wrapping paper. Alternatively, pages from old magazines could be used for the background patterns.

Delivery: Get the children to brainstorm all the things they are in different contexts/to different people. For example, who are they in a family sense? A son? A sister? A nephew? A granddaughter? Then ask them to think about all the skills they practise in school and what that makes them - a writer, a mathematician, a footballer, a gymnast, an artist, a cartographer, a scientist, a linguist etc. The next section should be about their personalities: are they curious? Calm? Energetic? Thoughtful? Hilarious? Finally ask for anything that hasn't been covered - nationality and heritage, for example. Stress the information should either be neutral/factual, or positive, nothing negative. 

When they have their lists complete, ask them to consider what amazing individuals they are! (As I said to them, 'We all have bad days when we make mistakes and think we're rubbish. Stick this poster on your bedroom wall to remind yourself that you're absolutely not.')

Next, show them the 'I Am...' sheet and explain they are going to make one of their own. After that, the students really need very little direction, as long as they can see the example to use a template. My own group is currently half-way through this activity but we have a fifty minute slot only; another session will see it completed. So, unlike the other activities I post here, this is a two-hour job.

The 'I Am...' poster would make a nice start-of-term/ getting-to-know-you lesson for any class. As well as a writing club activity, this could also be something you could do in a Learning Mentor session to help build up a child's self-esteem.

Some Rules of Writing Club

    *  We always begin the session with a warm-up writing exercise - a prompt word or phrase followed by fast, free writing for one or two minutes. This writing doesn't have to be seen by anyone else, although you may find children are pleased with what they've produced and are keen to share.

   *  No child ever has to read out what they’ve written if they don’t want to.

   *  If someone does share work, feedback should be positive. Writing Club is a nurturing, encouraging environment.

   *  When others are reading out their work, everyone needs to be completely quiet and listen respectfully.

   *  Spelling and punctuation isn’t something to worry about unduly during this special writing time. What matters in Writing Club is getting words down, and exploring language, ideas and effects. However, it’s very important that handwriting is legible.

      Some other ideas

If the club is an after-school one, a drink and a small snack is helpful at the start.

Giving the children a cardboard wallet or folder in which to keep their club work makes them feel like proper writers whose work is worth saving.

Regular in-house competitions for small prizes like notebooks, rubbers and novelty pens have proved popular. External competitions can also be flagged up and Writing Club time used to discuss or begin entries.

A termly display and/or an anthology goes down well as it shows the children how much you value what they’ve done. The self-publishing website http://www.lulu.com/home is easy to use if you want to create an attractive, professional-looking but reasonably-priced book.

If you want children to work collaboratively try to avoid saying, Get yourselves into pairs/threes/whatever. This is a really stressful process for some children who might not be instantly absorbed into a group by their peers. I either put children into teams myself, or I make the options really fluid - 'You can work on your own, with a partner, or in a three.'